It’s true!! I have an amazing announcement to make, one that I hope will fill you wonder and leave you as awestruck as the day you hit puberty.
So, having turned the big four-nine recently, I decided after so many years maybe its time to clean out that gigantic closet they put in this place when they built it. I mean, who needs an attic when the closet is the size of an bedroom?
There is a ton of stuff in there, from an old picture tube style 40 inch TV, to old exercise equipment from when my joints actually had some cartilage, my bazillion National Geographic collection, dearly departed Dad’s old camera equipment from the 50’s in absolutely immaculate condition.
Tons of pictures from back in the day where you actually printed out pictures from film. Old Christmas presents from people I didn’t like and never opened. Ten years worth of old computers. A kite I bought for the beach and never even took out of the bag. Just a jumbled-up medley of everything you can think of that I have collected over the years.
I decided to start with old clothes. There were five boxes of them in there.
Wow, what fun that was. Some stuff I just couldn’t part with, even though they no longer fit. Like my old Pink Floyd shirt from their last concert back in the 80’s. Or my old paisley shirts.
But most of it went into the Goodwill box. I found fifteen pairs of really nice jeans that I would kill to keep, especially my old Sergio’s that have seen more cruising than my eighteen-year-old Nissan Pickup. TONS of old shirts, sweaters, sweats, and jackets. Nice stuff too, one suede jacket alone was probably worth about 500 bucks and woefully, impossibly too small.
After all that, I decided to go through my current clothes and include stuff I haven’t worn in at least 3 years. I went thru all my drawers (yup, you guessed it – three bureaus. I need to do some serious downsizing here). I went thru all the stuff hanging in my closet too.
Well, I’m embarrassed to say that that included most everything I owned. Having worked at-home doing Virtual Customer Support for various different companies, I never went anywhere. In addition, my recent DUI also sort of stopped me from socializing; I just had better things to do with 50 bucks than spend it on taxi’s to go out to the clubs.
Good news was that I don’t really go anywhere, so being reduced to sweats and old t-shirts and shorts isn’t all that bad a thing, as that’s all I ever wore.
Bad news was that for the past three years or so, that’s all I ever wore.
So yea, I’m clothes shopping. I’m taking my time, and I have quit smoking as well for the money. I’m a month and a half nicotine free now. And ten pounds heavier. So far.
I’ve hit one store, Belz Factory Outlet, so far. All the outcast clothes, really cheap. Sometimes you can get really good stuff. I found a nice pair of shorts that I liked so much I bought three of them (only problem with that is people tend to wonder why I am wearing the same pair of shorts every day).
And then I made the most amazing discovery! I was like, ‘I can’t believe it, get OUT!’. I actually found myself a pair of ….
BLUE SUEDE SHOES!!
Instantly, I had to have them. Never in my life had I seen such a thing, in fact I honestly thought it was just a Valium-induced figment of Elvis’ imagination. But there they were.
And pricey indeed. They were almost seventy-five bucks. No way, not on my old phone-whore paycheck (sorry Mom). Sadly I returned them to the shelf.
I returned a couple of times thereafter and always went looking for them, just to see if they were still there. On one visit I noticed they had been reduced to thirty-five bucks. I was so excited, surely I had that to spend.
But I didn’t. Not being used to buying clothes, I was spending it faster than I had it. And woefully, back to the shelf they went.
My last visit to the store I went and looked for them, having saved the 35 bucks, and couldn’t find them. The box was gone. Darn. But while there I decided to look at cheap shoes to see what I could find.
And there they were!! Get OUT! The box was gone, and they were on the wall of stuff that never sells and thus discounted to nothing. And as an added bonus, when I got them to the register, I found they had been discounted again! With tax, I paid a whopping eight dollars and ninety-three cents.
I mean, can you believe? As I stood in line, I bragged to the person behind me. I bragged to the person in front of me. I bragged to the lady who rung me up who was so impressed with my enthusiasm over these blue suede shoes she gave me an additional discount.
I hurried out to my old pick-up and threw off my shoes and put on my new blue suede shoes. Blue suede shoes. Don’t you love just saying it?
I immediately had to show them off. I stopped in the library and showed them to the librarian, who was duly impressed. I went to Krystals for a hamburger or seven. I said to the manager, whom I didn’t even know, ‘I’ve got something to show you. Are you ready for this?’
He looked at me curiously. I stepped back and did a little tap dance and with a wave of my hand, ‘Blue. Suede. …
He was duly impressed, and whipped out his Iphone and took a picture for his ‘facebook page’.
These particular blue suede shoes go quite well with blue jeans of a lighter color. I’m just thrilled with them and, while maybe they are not all that much to most people, it seems my enthusiasm for them leaves most people drooling with envy for a pair. And guess what? I have the only PAIR!! Just thinking of it gets me so excited I want to go out and show them off some more.
And thus I guess you really wanna see ‘em, don’t you?
Hmmm. Weyllll, …
Are you ready?
I’m sorry I didn’t hear that. I SAID, ‘Are you READY?’:
Viola!!! Blue. … Suede……..