Nicotine Free

Ok, here I am on day 9 and also it is the beginning of day 3 without the patch. I am still cigarette and patch free, but not without major temptations thrown my way.

Such as poor, faithful, Siamese cat, whose asthma decided to just knock her for a loop out of the blue. She could not breathe. All she could do is just gasp. I took her to one vet who gave me oral steroids and antibiotics. Despite this she only worsened, and just gasped for breath for the next 24 hours. That is literally all she could do. Could not move. Just lay there gasping with her little mouth open.

After 24 hours and no sleep on my part, I frantically took her to another vet who clobbered her with a strong steroid injection. This at least got her breathing again, but she is not responsive to ANYthing. At first I just thought she was worn out from her ordeal and she will come around but it is next day now and she still has not eaten, is very weak and pretty much unresponsive to my attempts to gain her attention. She will drink water because of the steroid but even that she doesn’t drink it normal, lies down and sorta hangs her head over the dish and gets her whole chin/bib area wet trying to take a couple of laps. So pretty much she is so weak she can’t hold her head up.

Going to have to take her back to the vet. We were trying to avoid a bronchodilator as it is oral (I think it is a mask), and also can cause tachycardia, but looks like we might have to go down that path. I have to get her to eat – today. With all the steroids, she starts breaking down body fat she is going to end up with fatty liver and cirrhosis.

It is just so scary that she is this bad. This is definitely the worst she has ever been, and I am wondering if she makes it through this one, she wont make it through the next bad attack. She is only 12 and a half years old but the doctors are like wanting to hospitalize her and stuff now. It is insanely expensive and I have already spent more on her doctor than I have spent on my own doctor in the last 15 years. I would like to bring her back to normal now but when she gets her next bad attack I am going to consider to put her down. I just can’t stand to see her suffer and as she gets older it is harder for her to pull out of the attacks. I’m really wondering if she is going to pull out of this one. Just not sure how to proceed here, but looks like next step is back to vet and possibly the mask. I wont hospitalize her, the vet is half a mile away. I’ll just run back and forth – it’ll save a little money.

To further the current crisis, since she is quite beloved, I missed a work day, and am scheduled a full day today which hopefully I can get through.

But I have not smoked. It is not a physical craving, it is purely mental. At least I feel that it is. But you know what? When I had the patch on I did not have thoughts of going out and buying a pack of cigs, and now I do. So maybe it IS the physical addiction part, but I still think it is mostly mental. I am wanting to smoke because of the stress.

I am also wanting to smoke because of the food. I’m doing the replace the cigarettes with food thing again. I’m eating too much!! I’ve been walking around with indigestion for days! And the scale indicates I have gained 7 pounds already. In 9 days. I hate this part of quitting as well. The replace it with food thing, and then you are all lethargic walking around all fat. In the past three days I have eaten a box of saltine crackers, a box of cheezits, a giant Hershey bar, an 8 pack of Reese peanut butter cups, a box of swiss cake rolls, and yesterday I went to the market and just could not resist the buy one get one free coffee cakes. Ugh!! Today I am eating NOTHING but fruit. I am going to the market and buying the fresh fruit salad thing and I will eat only that today!! Maybe I should get a veggie platter as well. We’ll see.

Anyway, I am not going to smoke. I am nicotine free!! That’s a big deal and not easy to get to. I’m not throwing it out the window because of stress. Must learn to deal with it. Also, I know if I can just make it to the 30 day mark, I will start having longer and longer periods where I won’t even think about smoking. Just need to hang it there.

Come on cat. EAT.

I swear I’m gonna spoon feed her.


About respectfullywritten

I live in Central Florida and love it!!
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