DUI Part Three – Jail


Ok, so finally posting back to the DUI. I get a lot of hits on my welcome page (which amazingly I think I have set to About DUI or something), so I guess I should hurry up and finish my story. Because I don’t want to spend all year telling about my arrest, the purpose of my post is to let you know what to EXPECT with a DUI. I don’t hurry up, everyone will be looking at George W. Bush’s blog instead of mine (yes, our 8 year president had a DUI. So did Bill Gates, as rumor has it, although last I checked that is not provable).


Anyway, the cops took me to jail. I think the coolest part was driving into the parking garage handcuffed in the back of the car. The car pulled up to these huge 2 or 3 story steel doors that opened up automatically to let us into the intake parking garage. That was interesting. It was like going into the bat cave, lol.


We went into this outer waiting room where you sit, still handcuffed, with rest of the unfortunates (or losers, although I shy away from calling anybody that unless I know them enough to justify an opinion. People do stupid things, but a lot of times it is because of lack of education or desperation or stuck in an addiction. I can’t hold it against people in this situation – life is tough. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way.) You sit and wait for your mug shot. I found myself sitting next to a pretty little thing who was in on a prostitution charge. Her, and about 5 other pretty little things. They were all in their late teens, early 20’s, some hopped up on drugs. Me, being who I am, started lecturing about respecting yourself, etc. Good ole Dad. They got a kick out of it. I didn’t. These were CHILDREN, for God’s sake. Where were the parents? Not to go off on a tangent or anything, but people should automatically be tested to make sure they are capable of raising kids, before they bring another person into the world and then ruin their lives.


So they took my picture. The girls got a kick out of me and kept saying “smile!!” when they took my picture, so I did. And so now my mug shot is plastered all over the internet with a big goofy smile and bloodshot eyes and a two day scruff on my face. Love it. I’d embed a link, but alas, I post under anomity (and how the hell do you spell THAT).


After my picture, I was taken into the processing area of the jail. I was searched, up against a wall, and finally the arresting cop was allowed to remove the cuffs. The rookie had them on way too tight and they were on for about three hours; I actually had abrasions. On his way out the door he told me “not in my town”, referring to DUI. Why are cops such dorks?


I then sat on a bench with a bunch of really strange people arrested for God knows what and waited approximately 1.5-2 hours for them to roll my fingerprints. All 10 of them. This is also where they itemize your belongings found on your person, which are taken away from you.


Then I went into the intake waiting room. It was so strange. It was HUGE, like waiting in the DMV. Here is where you wait for them to take you up to the jail. Here is also where you call the poor unfortunate soul who has to bail you out, or, if you have money, a lawyer. The seats are all lined up DMV style and every third seat has this cheap assed plastic phone early 80’s style – a wired one piece – half of which did not work. Some words of advice. Get your phone calls done here. Once you are in a cell you will have access to a phone which you can’t use unless you have a jail phone account set up, which you can’t do from the jail. Someone has to do it for you, outside of the jail.


I called my sister, by now one in the morning, and she arranged bail for me, which was a waste of time depending on how you look at it. She was up all night, meeting bondsmen in the middle of the night and all kinds of shit, only to find out it was pretty much a waste of time. When you are arrested for DUI, the law states you have to stay in the jail 8 hours. Posting bond does not get you out any earlier. The only thing posting bond does is, after your 8 hours, rather than being driven to the court house, waiting for your case to be heard and a court date set for a plea, and then being taken BACK to the jail, and waiting through the outtake process, you avoid all that and are mailed a court date to enter your plea. So you get out earlier. Which actually can save a potentially 8-10 hours of being shuffled all over the place, so I’m still glad I posted bond. But so sorry for my poor sister, who really went thru hell to get it done. But if you don’t have the money, or don’t want to bother anybody with it, you don’t have to do it. You’ll just be in longer. And by the way, they don’t hold court on the weekends, so if your arrested on a weekend, you’ll be staying a while. I would definitely arrange bond in this instance.


And that’s about it. They took me ‘upstairs’ and I was put into a cell with about 15 other inmates, anything from people who’ve raped and robbed, to homeless people, to other DUI arrests. You name it. It was not pleasant, and quite lonely. I got to keep my clothes, thank God. We lounged on bunk bed style, steel cots with a thin mattress similar to a work out pad found in your local fitness center. We were given ’bed clothes’ (first time in my life I have EVER seen a canvass blanket lol), but no pillow. Around 5am they came in and offered to let us shower. THAT wasn’t going to happen.

 Around 6am they brought us ‘breakfast’, bologna and cheese sandwich, 3 stale pecan sandies, and an apple in a brown bag. And some kind of weird ‘juicy juice’ shit that was fake. The sandwich was already made, there was some mustard packets in the bag which I put on, then took a bite only to find that the cheese, while put on the sandwich, was still in its wrapper! I guess to keep it fresh? LOL. I spit it out, ate 2 cookies, drank half the juice, and threw it out.  This, by the way, was the same jail Casey Anthony resided, and was residing at the time.  No I did not see her.  But she ate similarly.  I find myself wondering if she, too, was fooled by the cheese, lol.


I got out around 9am. That is when my life changed. How, you ask? You’ll see. No, I didn’t find Jesus and I am not going to lecture about Jesus, although I will say he was with me every step of the way. I wont go there because some people don’t, and I’ll find myself talking to a wall. You either believe or you don’t, that’s what any faith is about. I believe. I’ve reason too, trust me. But some people don’t see it. So I don’t go there. Especially since I’m no angel myself. The Good Lord just puts up with me, for some reason. But it would definitely take away my credibility.


No, my life changed in other ways. The DUI was, for me, a life changing experience. I honestly can say that it was a GOOD thing. I learn from my experiences and I learned a lot from this one. The purpose of my post is definitely to vent, but I also hope maybe it will help someone before they have to learn the hard way, as I did.


So I finally got the jail part done, now I can move on to the stuff you really want to know about: sentencing, what do you have to go thru, what does it cost, blah blah blah. That’s the good news. The bad news is, its not going to happen tonight. But it will be continued, readers, rest assured.


In the meantime, here is a stupid little thing that was sent to me from MADD.  I signed up for their monthly newsletter as punishment. And boy, do I have a lot to say about THIS organization.


Until then, drive safe.









About respectfullywritten

I live in Central Florida and love it!!
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