Yes indeed, shortest post EVA. Since I don’t twit or facepiss, it goes here. A preview of this and wow I want it. This is like re experiencing Led Zeppelin all over again.
Yes indeed, shortest post EVA. Since I don’t twit or facepiss, it goes here. A preview of this and wow I want it. This is like re experiencing Led Zeppelin all over again.
Once a smoker, always a smoker. At least for me. Sure I have heard the stories of ex-smokers who have quit for years, and actually I once quit for 10 months no patches nothing and the thought of cigarettes completely left my mind. But I started again.
And using the patch, I can pretty much quit, as I have done gosh it must be almost a hundred times, but the process is a long and arduous journey full of addiction-induced mind games, before I finally reach the point, 6 months down the road, where I am actually nicotine free (no patches), and don’t think about the things a hundred times a day.
And then along comes the ecigarette. I tried the disposable ecigarette sold in most convienence stores here, which was touted to be equal in ‘smoke’ (vapor) to a whole pack of cigarettes. I truly was impressed with it, the flavor and amount of vapor was equal to that of smoking a cigarette, but I burned the thing out in 5 hours. That was not going to work for me at a cost of 7 bucks apiece. I chalked it up to a novelty, and back to cigarettes I went.
Or rather cigarello’s, which are even nastier. Cigarello’s are a combination of cigar and cigarette tobacco, and only cost 1.50 US dollars a pack as apposed to the 6 or 7 US dollars for a pack of cigarettes. This is because of loopholes in the law governing the increase in the price of cigarettes to create cessation from smoking. Since they are not all cigarette tobacco, they are not cigarettes. Gotta love them loopholes.
What they are are very strong and stink something awful. I smoked them for years, ever since cigarettes became insanely expensive, probably delivering twice or even more amount of tar into the lungs. Amazingly, I found them to be even more addicting than cigarettes as well.
One of the things I hated about smoking, in addition to a stinky house and walking around in a cloud of smell like pigpen, which you don’t smell yourself but everyone else does, is oral thrush. Yup, cigarette smoke increases the temperature in your mouth making it a bacteria haven. Halfway into a pack of cigarettes and you are well on the way to a mouthful of bacteria, coating your tongue and increasing plaque on your teeth. Yum. Never kiss a smoker. Or at least ask em to stick out their tongue first. Yuck. Sure as shit, they will have oral thrush.
So when I brushed my teeth, it is first with a gigantic, burning, mouthful of listerine, then a thorough scrubbing of teeth, gums, and tongue. After which I would stick out my tongue and it did absolutely nothing to take away that coating.
Then, a couple months ago, doing my regular oral care, I inspected my tongue and whoa. Something that has never happened before, my normally whitish thrush now had patches in it stained black with tar.
And that was it. After thirty years of the nasty bastards, I had had it. My house, cars, clothes, relationships, and health were all being destroyed by them and it was totally stupid. Determined to quit once and for all, I went out and bought the most expensive nicotine patches on the market, at a cost of 150.00 US dollars.
I quit for 5 weeks and then started again. Can you believe? But it was heaven, absolute heaven. I had also abstained from my normal cocktail hour I enjoyed once or twice a week at home, as alcohol made me want to smoke. So by the end of that 5 weeks, I’ll tell ya, I was stressing big time. I ripped off the patch and that first cocktail and cigarette was just fabulous.
Mom cried. My friends and siblings were dismayed. And my wallet was hurtin too, as I refused to go back to cigarello’s and was spending 6 or 7 bucks a pack for cigarettes. Really the only ‘people’ that were happy about it were my cats, having missed me sitting out on the porch with them all day long in an effort to reduce the smoke in the house.
About 200 dollars in to my new cigarette habit, Christmas came along and my sister gave me an ecigarette kit. Unlike the disposables, these you fill yourself with flavored nicotine juices, and plug the battery in to charge every night. You can suck on the thing all day long and the battery will not run out, although you do have to refill a time or two during the day.
It came with a cookie flavored juice and was sweet and delivered the same amount of nicotine as a Marlboro cigarette. My first day I was having my coffee and had no problem with the nicotine cravings or the amount of ‘smoke’, the problem was it did not taste like cigarette. I made an emergency run to an ecig store in the mall and purchased Turkish tobacco flavored juice, and that solved the problem.
My first week went well with it. I tried different flavors and settled on cherry as my favorite, which went well with my bourbon and coke cocktail hour and also with my coffee. In fact, the cherry did more than just go well with my cocktails, it was awesome!! Yum! During the first 5 days I did smoke one or two cigarettes a day, mostly because I still had a pack left. I was pleased that a whole pack of cigarettes lasted me more than a week, and decided to only have one or two a day with my coffee in the morning or before bed.
But you know, that pack ran out and, getting all the nicotine and able to puff away to my hearts content with no ill affect on the ecigarette, I actually went a week before I bought another pack of Marlboros today and settled down for a cocktail hour. And …
I’ll be dambed if it wasn’t the most disgusting smoking experience I ever had. Usually if I go a day or two without a cigarette, that first drag tastes sooooo good. My body loves it. This time I nearly choked!! I wanted my ecigarette! Wow! I mean no shit, wow!! I couldn’t smoke it! It was gross! I mean wait, did you hear that? I c-o-u-l-d n-o-t s-m-o-k-e i-t. !!!!!!!
Never in my life, in thirty years of smoking, have I not wanted the taste of a cigarette. This was crazy. I stubbed that fucker out and went right back to my ecigarette, which pleasure.
So there you have it. I quit smoking. This month is my 51st birthday, and I can say that. Thats a nice present. I’m still addicted to nicotine, and I will work on that, but now all I do is inhale vapor, made with the same harmless stuff that makes the fake smoke for the dance floors and concerts and is used in asthma inhalers for people with asthma.
There is a whole lot to be said about ecigarettes. They are not regulated yet, so you need to make sure you get your stuff from a reputable company. They are not a smoking cessation product, they are a smoking deterrent instead. In other words, you still have your nicotine habit (you can work on that tho – the juice comes in strengths), and your still puffin away, but it don’t kill you. And you can afford it, a pack a day smoker will spend maybe thirty bucks a month as apposed to 250.00 + bucks a month. And of course you gotta learn how to use and maintain the things. One thing I will say is that if you try it, do NOT going higher than 18mg nicotine strength, which is the same as a regular full strength cigarette. You can actually go up to 36mg nicotine strength, which is insane since my research indicates lethal dose of nicotine is 60mg. Like I said, this stuff is currently unregulated. Also, although I already said this, I say again, make sure the company you get it from is reputable.
There is all kinds of shit to talk about, and lots of controversy too.
But you know what? Man! I finally quit smoking! Wanna kiss? :)
So Obama Care is here. I was pretty excited for it when it finally went into effect, as I make no money and have a large skin cancer wound on the top of my head that I need removed. Everyone keeps telling me to go to various different clinics and the hospital for some charity work, but I have been holding out for some quality care covered by my lovely Obama Care package.
In fact, I was so happy and anxious about it I went online exactly Oct. 1st to sign my ass up. And on Oct. 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 15th, 24th, 30th.
I think I am signed up. I tried a thousand times online, and even started to sign up with the poor CSR on the phone who got about an hour into the process and had to tell me the site crashed. I have tried so many times, I have forgotten my login.
Further insult was when I received notification from my employer today that the meager 46 bucks a month they were putting on a health card for me was going to stop due to Obama Care.
So I will join the everybody in grumbling about Obama Care, altho over a month later people are starting to really get ticked.
I have got several concerns about the whole thing, in fact.
Several months ago I went with my elderly mother to the eye doctor, which was covered under her medicare plan. I was dismayed to see there was nearly one hundred people in there, and her appointment took an hour before they even saw her. It was a total mill, with crappy customer service to boot. To get a pair of glasses and an eye exam.
So concern number one is exactly what kind of shit am I getting into here? I would rather have my meager 40 bucks a month health card, at least it adds up and I can use it for a normal doctor and not some clinic mill.
Concern number two is security breach. The thing is so huge, with crashing servers and fumbling CSR, that I have a real concern over my information being stored in such a mess. And above and beyond that, the government will now have a record of my health care in addition to my phone calls, emails, and financial information. When your government knows more about you than you yourself can remember, it tends to lead you to wonder why? And where is it going? Of course, this is normal as you age, however, I’m not retired. I just think its weird, thats all.
A good thing hopefully that will come out of the health care thing is if care is available, maybe we can get some people some mental health counseling and cut back on all the freaks out there shooting and bombing and killing people.
But then again, hmmm. Concern number three, is mental health care included, and what would THAT be like?
Concern number four is that our government released such a mess. Are we paying these people? Cause they suck. Look, there’s the house, there’s the senate I guess, and the president, I don’t do politics they suck and bore me but it seems to me that with all the fail safes that are supposed to be built into our constitution that something is majorly wrong with the whole system. I mean how can you have a bazzillion ‘leaders’ come together and put out such a mess? It’s indicating to me a failure of the leaders of this country to do what they are paid at great expense to do. This fiasco is called The United States of America? Seriously?
I always give my government, in fact most things, the benefit of the doubt. For example, all the crap about us monitoring European and Middle America government phone calls. People seem to forget that previous to all the Snowden bullshit hitting the fan, there were, and in fact still are, reports of American Government and Big Business data bases being hacked by other countries worldwide, with China in the lead. So I am of the opinion and confidently so that there are REASONS for the Snowden shit. Some shit cannot be explained by the government because its not public information, leaving us to try to figure out the reasoning behind government actions.
It’s called blind faith, but you know what? After spending my money to shut down the government and argue for a month, rathing than preparing the health care system for release, what am I putting my faith in? The billions and billions of dollars spent shutting down the government to argue like a bunch of prima donna’s would have paid for the whole health care data base system. They say the actual cost is a drop in a bucket compared to the actual money in circulation, big deal. Bullshit. The government shut down cost 24 billion. Divide that by current population of 316997000, and its 75 bucks a person. While of course income for the government comes mainly from business, I am of the opinion that I am owed 75 dollars. Why should we pay to have someone throw our money down the toilet?
I say how about we have us a real shut down and take that 24 billion out of the current salaries of our ‘leaders’? Because that is my opinion, and they work for me.
And by the way, although it has not been said, I am also of the opinion that a good deal of the problems with the new health care data base is due to people sabotaging it. Which is just costing more money.
Its pitiful, and once excited, I now dread Obama Care. And I am not too happy with Obama either. He gets shit done, but he is walking the line on this one. I expect to see big results, and I am not seeing it. Quite frankly, if the whole country has had to adjust their income levels as employment (REAL employment, not McDonalds and migrant worker statistics) falls and prices quadruple, then why the hell are these people, the president, the senate, the house, being paid the same? Can somebody tell me this? Honestly, their pay should be adjusted on a public opinion scale. Of course, that won’t solve anything, but it is a good example of how I feel. Which is ripped off.
Great Labor Day weekend! For someone who does nothing, I’ve sure kept myself busy these last three days. So imagine my surprise to finally sit down and have a moment with the TV, only to see that President Obama is wanting to get involved in Syria.
Well, I can say I just do not know what the hell is going on with this country anymore. One of the reasons I voted for Obama is because he is capable of showing great empathy. Perhaps a little politically shy, since he is quite young, but I also liked that as well. My main concern during Obama’s first election was not the economy, although at the time I and most everybody was losing their shirts, but the scorn of the International Community towards the good old USA, after being dragged into the Iraq mess through the UN, to great expense, only to have the US housing market crash shortly afterwards.
Seems when we go down, EVERYbody goes down, which kind of leads me to believe that the damb world runs on the USA. Which only goes to show how much money we have tied up out there, instead of at home.
Anyway, I liked Obama, especially after 8 years of Bush. George Bush is a great guy, and an incredibly dedicated and conscientious leader, his greatest fault is once he made up his mind about something, you better get the hell out of the way cause it was gonna get done. He was incapable of modifying what he put into place, so if he started wandering down the wrong path on something, well, we were all just gonna have to tag along. And if you suggested otherwise, he could get quite arrogant over it. Good old USA redneck arrogant. Not very diplomatic.
Obama is different. He MANAGES. He will check something out just as thoroughly as Bush, and he don’t give up either, but he is capable of correcting his paths. His political shyness would put the International Political Community at ease, his empathy would shine. But is that now kicking me in the ass?
I would be unable to imagine living in a country where your own government would use chemical weapons on you just because you disagree with it over something. Which is why there are international laws against it. Who put em in place? The UN.
So what the hell is Obama doing? I mean there are procedures in place to vote in the UN for action, so why is he not going that road instead of announcing to the whole world that the USA is going to take action. Its total disrespect for the international community and international law, and individual countries pocketbooks.
Its not the reason I voted for Obama, and its pissed me off a little. Its like this country has this great political need to enforce in everybody’s minds just how great we are or something.
Yes, I agree something does need to be done with this mess in Syria. What happened over there was unconscionable. People watched their parents or children or friends die horribly. Chemical weapons are just so ghetto, seriously.
The problem is, naturally, Syria’s. But its ours as well. If a country can just shrug and bomb their own people with chemical death, it isn’t going to reassure their neighboring countries of their own safety.
But it is a international problem, not a US problem. Its everybody’s problem. So EVERYbody has to find a solution. For Obama to just step on everyone’s toes is wrong. I think he figured that out and that is why he is sending it out to congress to vote on. Meanwhile, the UN is still investigating, very slowly I might add.
Remember what I said about Bush and Obama and their decision making earlier. Obama’s has taken the wrong path, but he is adjusting it I think and correcting his path, unlike Bush, who would probably already be over in Syria by now doing God knows what. So we will see how this plays out.
Remember the days of old and isolationism? An old fashioned idea. Today’s world is so much different with modern internet and instant access to everything and everybody regardless of where they are in the world. But I dream of the day when this country will stop funding the international community to get things done out there. We need to pull our money in, correct our debt, and focus on ourselves. Hell, just pulling international funding, you know the pay to get your way thing, would be a gigantic step in correcting our own economical mess. Why do you think Germany is doing so good? They just quietly do their own thing and not waste money.
That said, what would the world be like without so much American involvement? If we just let everybody do their own thing, good or bad? Its an interesting thought. Since we are capitalists, I might even add, how can we turn a profit from that? Because we can. We pull involvement out, and its going to leave countries scrambling for resources. So its not like this is totally undoable.
Love my country. Love my president too. I cant imagine what it must be like to have to run this country. And all in all I still think Obama is doing a fine job. And he is still my hero because of it.
He has got my attention for sure. Lets see if I am right about that path thing.
Yearning. To have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something.
It also means to be filled with compassion or a warm feeling. Hmmmm. That throws me for a loop, so I will write about the first definition, which was my intention before I checked to make sure it was the right word.
Do you yearn for something? Are you sad? Depressed?
Interestingly, everybody yearns for something, whether they admit it or not. Think about it.
Everybody is attracted to someone or some type, and will yearn for someone they see that is attractive, gay or straight. That’s natural. I call it instinctual, actually. Interestingly, sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself, ‘Am I yearning for that person just because they are good looking’? Often times, you are not. Its more something ABOUT that person that is attracting you.
But I digress.
Older folks may yearn to be young again and do it differently. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Some yearn to be older. Hell, there are folks that yearn to yearn.
Nobody has everything they’ve always wanted.
Some yearn to have a house. Some yearn for kids. Some yearn to be married.
Lots of people yearn to be rich. Yearn to win the lottery. Yearn to be successful.
Lots of people yearn for attention, and spend lots of time trying to gain it.
Some people yearn for friends. Some people yearn for a day without pain. Some people yearn for food. Some people yearn for water. Some people yearn to breath. Some people yearn for more time to live their lives of yearning.
Some people yearn to meet celebrities. I love Led Zeppelin, and would love to spend time alone with Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones. I see them interviewed through the media, and they say something I totally relate to, and I will yearn to meet them. Never happen of course. It’s a yearning.
On the other hand, celebrities yearn for freedom. They have it all, and they have nothing. They yearn for the ability to fly cross country for a thousand bucks like everybody else, instead of FIFTY thousand dollars in special arrangements and security details. They live in giant mansions with lots of property. We yearn to, too. But be careful what you yearn for. Those giant mansions are their whole worlds. Of course their big. Its not like they can drive down to Pizza Hut to have a slice.
Some people yearn to get away. Some yearn to just stay in one place. Some people yearn for that new car driving down the road, not knowing that perhaps the driver, yearning for friendship, would give you that car for a chance to be your friend.
Some people yearn for drugs. Some people yearn for no drugs.
Some people yearn for a roll of duck tape to patch their roof.
Some people yearn for those departed.
Everybody yearns for something. Because, no matter what, you can not have it all.
If your yearning with a deep sense of loss, or sadness, or longing, your definitely in a funk. Anybody can tell you that, because we all yearn.
What’s interesting though, is if you make a list of what you HAVE, somebody out there is yearning for it with that same deep sense of longing, loss, sadness.
Think about it. You’ll feel better.
Ah, the talk of the day. Zimmerman vs. Martin. One can not escape it, it is on the television, on the radio, and being talked about everywhere.
But even with the verdict of NOT GUILTY, people are still saying he is. Which I find amazing. Because you can not say that. Show me the evidence that he is. The State of Florida could not do that, and neither can you.
Nobody likes to hear of a senseless death, more so a senseless death of a child. Trevon Martin was not seventeen, as the press keeps saying. He was sixteen at the time he was killed. But it is what it is. Shit happens and this was shit.
When I was in my late twenties, I was beat up by a group of three Hispanics in downtown Orlando. At least according to witnesses because I never saw them. I did not have a chance to see them.
Such a stupid story too. I was walking home from a bar on a major road in Orlando with heavy traffic. It was a three lane highway, meaning each side had three lanes. However, it was in downtown Orlando, so do not get the impression that it was some major highway with cars zooming by at 70 miles per hour. The speed limit there is 35 miles per hour.
Anyway, the stupid part. I am walking on the sidewalk, a truck comes by and blats its horn at a car. Scared the crap out of me. I jumped three feet in the air and purely out of instinct said ‘fuck you’, in the direction of the sound.
Well, the direction of the sound was in fact I guess three Hispanic kids, who pulled over and chased after ignorant me, who had no idea that they were coming up behind me and was continuing merrily down the sidewalk.
The first strike must have been a full body BUMP from behind. I went flying at least three feet in the air and landed skidding on my face and elbows and knees, breaking one of my knee caps.
What came next is kind of amazing to me, since this was a heavily trafficked road at 35 miles per hour. For the next 30 seconds I was kicked or punched in the head as I lay dazed on the sidewalk. Then I was dragged into the street, and the kids ran off.
A witness, who almost ran over me, stopped his car and pulled me out of the road, and an ambulance was called. I had road rash on my face, all down my arms, a sprained arm, a broken knee cap, and a possible concussion. The State of Florida actually paid my medical bills, under their Victim Impact program, which is a great program we have that helps victim’s of crime.
When the guy pulled me out of the street, I had absolutely no idea what happened to me. I mean, I never had a chance to know, but beyond that, I was having trouble even thinking.
So I can attest a little bit about George Zimmerman’s state of mind when his head was being bashed. If someone is waling on your head, you can not think straight. You just can not. Ask anybody in a similar situation, and they will tell you the same. It knocks you for a loop. You are completely dazed. So actually, I find it amazing that the guy was even able to pull his gun. Anybody that suggests that this guy calculatedly said ‘I have had enough’ and pulled his gun, aimed it directly at his heart where he knew it would do the most damage, and cold hearted shot the kid dead, is an idiot.
In fact, having been there, I know that what happened was the guy somehow managed to get his gun out, did not aim at anything but the general direction of the assailant and shot the assailant in the hopes of stopping him from beating the shit out of him. It just happened to go to the heart and kill him.
And honestly, having been there, I absolutely amazed he was able to do that. Because after a couple of heavy blows to the head, of which we saw the bruises, it was not just cuts to the back of the head, his head was bashed in the back, and both sides, and nose punched, but after a couple blows like that, you start fading out. It completely takes you out. You start losing your ability to think, moving towards unconsciousness. So at that point, based on the evidence, George Zimmerman, luckily, did the only thing he could do to stop this kid, and Trevon Martin got what he deserved. Because while the kid was just walking from the store after buying goodies, and he was unarmed, just talking on the phone, he spent 4 minutes circling around with the intent of ambushing George and attacked him.
Was George stupid to follow him in the first place? No. No he was not. He was the neighborhood watch. That is what they do. And he was being asked first to provide Emergency a narrative of what Trevon Martin was doing and where he was heading.
I’ve done this. My neighbor’s have done this. We watch out for each other, and if we hear something outside, we look out the window, and if we see someone acting suspiciously, we call the police, and we go outside, and we watch what they are doing. We have done this on numerous occasions. And that was what George Zimmerman was doing. He was not stalking him. He did not confront him. He was watching him, he lost him, he continued to look for him, in the meantime the kid was circling around behind him and then the KID confronted him. So sorry, I see nothing wrong with George Zimmerman following him.
Did George Zimmerman racially profile him? I have to admit, he did profile him as a possible criminal. He did identify him as African-American. However, he also knew that all the previous numerous home invasion’s were identified as being carried out by young African-Americans. Which was why he was suspicious of him in the first place. Trevon Martin was dawdling his way to where he was visiting, maybe stopping along the way, maybe walking in circles, because he was on the phone, and it just looked odd to George, since it was pitch black and raining. The perception was ‘Why is this guy hanging out in the pitch black in the rain?’
So I can see how it happened. He profiled him, and he was wrong. That is alright to me. In a normal world, the cops would have gotten there faster, questioned him, Trevon would have been insulted perhaps, but whatever. He would have gone on his way. He certainly was not doing anything wrong, other than gabbing on the phone. Not the best circumstances to have conversation, but kids love to gab on the phone.
His mistake was to ambush and attack George. He spent four minutes circling around George, calculating a confrontation, which was just plain stupid. I mean, if I am worried someone is following me with possible bad intentions, I certainly would not stay where it is happening and I certainly would not confront the person either, let alone attack him. I would go home and call the police. So unfortunately, he got what he deserved. He was not some innocent child walking home from the store being stalked in the dark. Yes, he was doing nothing wrong at that point. But he committed a crime, however, when he decided to ambush and attack George. Because that is not what one does in his situation. You go home and call the police. The state says, well maybe he was afraid to go home to where his 12 year old step-brother was waiting for him. But in fact, he had his cell phone on him. He was ON it. Did he call 911 and say ‘Hey, some strange guy is following me in the dark’? Hell, I would have. In a heart beat.
So the ill will, like it or not, belongs to Trevon Martin, who rather that call the police or go home, decided to ambush and attack George Zimmerman.
And its clear as day. The only reason George Zimmerman was arrested is because so many people were screaming it was because he was African-American. Which is wrong.
I am well aware there are racists out there. I hate them. They infuriate me. Nobody has the right to condemn a person based on skin color, sexual preference, or anything else. Just because they are ignorant, is no excuse for this.
Unfortunately, ignorant people exist, and we gotta live with it whether we like it or not. BUT, each time that one says another did this or that due to racial bias, when in fact that is not true, it diminishes the crime of bias, and pretty soon people stop paying attention and do not care anymore about it. They say, ‘Oh, here we go again, someone called someone something or other, someone did this or that to another because they were gay or black’.
I saw on CNN today how the NAACP is considering filing a lawsuit against George Zimmerman on the grounds that Trevon Martin was racially profiled. And you know what I thought? I thought, ‘Here we go again‘.
Lets all take a moment and think about this. There are real instances of racially motivated crimes out there. This is not one of them. To pursue it as such will only strengthen those that commit these crimes. Is that what we want to do?
I call for everybody to reflect a bit on this. Because, as Don West said, like it or not, we do not need this to go from tragedy to travesty. As a gay man, I understand the hurt of bias, trust me. If you misunderstand what happened here, and listen to those that want to say this is racially motivated, for what ever self-gaining purposes or because they are just plain ignorant or uneducated, your probably really hurting, and pissed. Do not do this to yourself. Racial motivation is not what this was about. It was about self defense, and nobody is going to throw someone in jail and ruin their lives because the issue is misunderstood and people are being misled to where they are really hurting over it.
Think. Lets keep the issue of discrimination, racially or otherwise, clearly defined. It exists. We have to fight it. But we have to do it correctly.